i felt like writing

I'm gonna miss all this
I never had it
but I'll miss it
all of you
whom i never got the chance to live life fully with

all the goals and plans
no more
it's over
goodbye
i can't handle this part the most

it's not like I'm leaving forever
it's that everyone else i really care about.
like people I REALLY HONESTLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT
yeah, they're leaving too
its happened before, when i turned 18
but this time, it's a wee bit more drastic.

Like how distance made me realise how not close we actually were
How we drifted to strangers
And I'm basically going to be cut off from everyone physically
But am I not used to that?
Goodbyes have been such a common occurrence in my life.

Loneliness will never be something I can get used to though.
It numbs you, sure, but not in a way that you can feel as if it's a normality.
(yeah Sure, there's always new friends that can be made)


I can't really think of places or people whom my absence will affect,
unlike how the absence of basically almost all my loved ones affected me

Perhaps because there are so many holes left that it is noticeably gaping

Not spending Christmas at home this year is going to be so different
so strange
yet something I simply have and want to face
This strong urge to stay in Penang was what kept me from going to KL to study my diploma

I don't regret the decision one bit. It molded me to who I am

I need someone to talk to
I will just stop here because I can't type anymore

I hope my care, prayers and thoughts spread to all over the world with you guys.

Fuck me for being sentimental