I Pray What's Killing Me Now Will Make Me Stronger

its nothing i can deny its nothing i can hide

on how every since the day one i have always lied

about the tears i cried

on how i wish i died

eat away at my being depression has done

the fact i cant run from what has made me want to pull a gun

its no joke its nothing to be compassionate about

just be there and it'll help if you just hear me out

i haven't been through anything peculiar

my case isn't as bad as yours

but believe me when i tell you these feelings are not false

everyone's been sad, they needed a shoulder

imagine nobody there and everyone thinking you're a bother

these thoughts creep up every single day i'm here,

on how i don't fit it, on how i haven't found my place

have i been too selective 

or am i given up on this race?

i do not choose this path but it's one that has befallen me

everyone should feel blessed they have things i wish i had

a circle, an understanding,  a support, a community

this i write not as a man who is done and dusted

but a man looking for a person to be trusted

not a person to say hi or bye those are common

but someone who'd stick around when i act abnormal

primary, secondary, tertiary, work

always in the corner these shadows lurk,

however unfazed or trapped by light

these shadows give my conscience quite a good fight

i have a presence, i have a name

i have done many great things to earn great fame

most notably for my jokes being lame

but here, things are just not the same

i choose to be alone, but i don't always want to

it sounds like an excuse but it does amount to some truth

i thought one day I'd get used to it, have assurance

but no, you don't get used to it, your mind becomes an annoyance

basically this is my attempt at a poem

i can only write create stuff when I'm solemn

I'm fine, i really am, i ain't sad or depressed

its just these old demons are making my life so messed

i wish that i can just stop waiting or stop being so picky

ugh i don't know why for me finding friends is so tricky

Sarawak is great, the food and culture is totes some of the best

however i kinda wish i was back in the west :(

BASICALLY!

homesick as fuck, 

HI everyone, thanks for going through that super long emo looking poem. I can only find inspiration in melancholy, which is why I'm posting again 

Straight to the points

1. Two Months of Uni, I'm still pretty much alone, It's a love hate thing

2. I have friends, some of them are kinda rad, but nothing close, nobody I can be truly comfortable with, no real circle, but I am surviving

3. I'm going home in 2 weeks. 3 assignments stand in my way, but uni life is slowly looking up

4. I don't know how I would've kept sane or even still alive if it wasn't for one particular cibai in Penang

5. I'm happy that all my close friends are out and about all over. As selfish as it sounds, I admit that I really wish they could make time for me as I am honestly trying to for them, even if its just a little bit of time, I don't want to be an afterthought to you, you guys mean the world to me.

6. Making friends of the opposite sex when you're older is harder, starting the second conversation would often assumed to be flirting. And me having majority female friends, GG life.

7. oh lord why is there a lack of fruits, food is unhealthy everywhere how to lose weight ya Allah

8. THIRTEEN DAYS THIRTEEN DAYS

9. I don't believe I'll find love in university

10. Fail safe: be a priest

11. Insanely in love with rock/ alt rock music now.. AWOLnation and Royal Blood are my addictions now